Living Life On A $1.96

I cannot delete this blog for memories sake. But, I would like to make a disclaimer. All thoughts brought up previously are not intended to hurt anyones feelings, I do not even remember what I've wrote, but I'm not going to go read through all of them to find out if I wrote something hurtful, I'm just going to discontinue blogging like so.

I'm not going to write for awhile.
Finals are going to kill me, and I have some other reasons.
Check back in a month or so.

I've narrowed it down. Where will I be going to school next year?

• Kirksville? who knows I could still be here next year.
• University of Evansville. Private. My first choice. I like the program.
• University of Western Kentucky, WKU. A little big for my tastes, kind of makes me think of a big SEMO, but it'd be amazingly close to my Cousin Emily, Kenny, and Aunt Lizzy. Spending my weekends with Lizzy would be a such a blessing. She is the picture of me in my old age.
• University of Kansas, Lawerence. A little far away it's like driving to Kirksville and then driving two more hours. 7 hours is a bit much. But their internship opportunities are superb, and the school is my ideal school, the program--a little shakey.

It's raining and the world is all overcast, you're sleepy, but have so much to do. You look out the window and behold fire, burning: red, yellow, gold; suddenly, you are awake, you feel like part of the earth again renewed in the fire. Oh, the pheonix, what a lovely mythological creature, pure and true. Thank you Japanese Maple for the joy you have given me this day.

I don't thank you, modern physics, but I do respect you. I don't thank you, Doritos. I don't thank you, squeaky floors. I don't thank you, wind chimes.

I thank buttered noodles for memories of home and I thank pillows and I thank Kristine and Angie Beth for random meetings and I thank the Adair County Prosecuting Attorney for Meth Calendars. Above all I thank God.

Bush say, "Reaching these goals will require the broad support of Americans. So today I want to speak to every person who voted for my opponent. To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us. And when we come together and work together, there is no limit to the greatness of America."

Well the first thing he must do to earn my trust is keep his word, which I don't believe will happen. He will not try to earn my support. Therefore, for us to help him keep his word, be it of his own volition or our force is to push hard. Make him a trustworthy president, intervene. Don't run off to Canada, show Bush what you want America

51% is not a mandate, www.notamandate.org

I wrote a discussion journal, and I like it, so I thought I'd share

October 25, 2004
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” attempts to redefine his actions into terms that better fit his intended goal and to shine light on misconceptions. He critically thinks about the real meaning of words such as extremist, direct action, negotiation, just law, and stability.
Dr. King starts out saying he is not an extremist, but with careful consideration and redefinition of the word he comes to the conclusion that he is an extremist. He states, “But though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction for the label” (182). He then redefines extremism by what you are an extremist about, thus, negating its negative aspect when he says, “Was not Jesus an extremist for love…” (182-3). He defines direct action, as an operation that follows only after negations and failed. In terms of the processes, direct action is not spontaneous; rather, it is the end result of a well laid out plan. When it comes to justice, King uses it to define moralistic refusal to obey the laws. He sees disobeying an unjust law as obeying a moralistic just rule. The founding fathers decided that if we think our government is wrong we have the right to over throw it. Dr. King also sees this right, no duty, when he chooses to disobey unjust laws imposed by the government who in its baby steps disobeyed the largest naval power in the world. Dr. Martin Luther King’s namesake was in his own right a man devoted to civil disobedience, saying, “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God.” when he stood up for the injustices done by the Catholic Church (183).
Martin Luther still loved the church even though he didn’t care about their practices and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. also still loves the church even though he doesn’t care for their practices. I feel the same way. Although I like the stability in my church home, I choose to create instability in order to change unjust behavior. In my community to this day, racism is still prevalent; there are very few black members of our church. My pastor decided to help a man who had been down on his luck. He let him stay in his house, play with his kids, come to church with him. A large amount of the elders were outraged. Others in the congregation like me stood by Pastor Sippy then and later when we were assigned a black vicar. We didn’t need a vicar then, but if no one stood up for him then we wouldn’t have another one later.
Even still, sometime stability is preferable to justice. I know a man who is an extremist for justice, but he has no ability to live in this society because of it. He is so strong in his beliefs that he is unable to adapt to imperfect situations. Most of the time he ends up isolating himself and creating chaos in the situations he attempts to control. King in his search for justice created stability through his plan toward direct action so that when they stood up for justice the chaos was minimized. Not only did they wait till the best time to act, they also carefully chose where they’d act and how. They didn’t grab a bunch a pitchforks and torches and storm the streets. They knew their enemy was a monster, not Frankenstein or Dracula, but a much deeper rooted monster inside everyone of us.

I have learned from my discovery of the art world what I could not have learned elsewhere. Although, I believe others could have easily learned the same things elsewhere. I have learned through the disappointment of finding out that technically I am below par in artistry and that I probably couldn’t make it as a professional artist.

From trying to make works of art I learned how to accept my failures and how to create outlets for me when I did fail, so that I could make something positive come from my failures. Therefore art made me aware of what I loved in life. I discovered what Alfred Lord Tennyson had already figured out, “The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” I learned how to master my passions. But lately I have failed to continue mastering my passions, I remain absent. Not in art alone, but in many other things.

I have tried to seperate myself from kyle and my heart has grown absent. I've tried to seperate myself from my family and my bond between them has broken. I have created a blank place, a void, and it feels like it will never be filled. I have let my mind deteriorate; it is dust. If it is dust, why am I not dead? why am I not free of this void?

Why am I using this blog to say such things?

CHange UP

So deciding what you're future is in college is a load of crap, it's too difficult. I have been put in a society that lets me wait to the very last minute to make any decisions about my life and I liked it, I loved it in fact. Now it's coming to bite me in the ass. Not that I'm angry to be bit in the ass, that can be quite pleasurable I hear. Well depending on the reciever and the giver. Anyway. I had a wonderful time with Kyle this weekend, he didn't bite me on the ass but he gave it a good slap. For some reason I find that extremely pleasurable, well at least the first 4-5 times then it hurts. It sends a jolt through my system and I am in great need of that.

Last tuesday I was night monitoring and the guy I work with Rizwaan kept saying he hated dash-unds and after a while I was like what in the world is a dash-und. He's like you know those little dogs. I'm like, "You mean dachsunds" and he's like, Yeah, dash-unds.